Firsts

Today at church the kids performed their Christmas song. This was actually the second time they did it, but last week a number of kids, including our own, weren't there due to the snow. Jenna has practiced the song in her class, and we've also listened to it numerous times in the car. Now, she loves when we dance around the house together, but for some reason, she does NOT like when I sing along. She says she wants to sing it, though she doesn't because she doesn't know the words to most of the songs that are on the radio. This was also the case in my singing along to the Candy Cane song in the car. She hides her face and turns on the whining for me to stop. This girl loves to put on a show for us, but when we put her on the spot to "practice" her Christmas song she refuses. She is really good at picking up music, though, so I knew that she really did know her song.

Well, today at church she went into class early to practice one more time before going up on the stage in "big church." This was preceded by whining and her face turning red because she wanted to stay in the toddler room where I was preparing to teach that class. But she went. Another woman filled it for me as I rushed into the sanctuary to make sure I got a good spot to record the performance, leaving the other ladies that I was walking with behind. I didn't want to be rude, but they stopped to talk along the way, and I had to get in there. In the moment I was told the other workers who had kids up there were going in I got this surge of energy, anxiety, pride and joy. Now, if you've seen Jenna's dance recital video you know she is not one of the shy kids who freezes up on stage. She loves it. I wasn't quite sure what to expect as I watched the line of kids come up on the stage. It's so funny as parents how self-conscious we get because you just never know what your kid is going to do, and you're just hoping they don't embarras you somehow.

It always feels a little weird to me having her in the sanctuary where people don't usually see me in mom mode, but just on the worship team, where I'm composed and not standing alone. It all changed the moment she walked up on the stage.

As the tallest kid on stage, she was front and center, and I could literally feel all of my teeth exposed into an ear-to-ear smile that would not go down through the whole song. I actually felt weird being that happy. What was wrong with me? LOL I was hanging on her every movement. I couldn't hear her specifically, but I saw her mouth moving with every word. A couple times I saw her finger moving to the nose area and felt my heart stop hoping it wouldn't actually go IN the nose, but it was just a little poke and scratch thankfully. But more surprising than the fact that she knew all the words and actually started doing the movements, was that she stayed right in her spot. She did turn around a couple times and talked to the girl next to her to tell her she liked her candy cane. At the end when all the kids were walking off she walked to the edge, and I knew she wanted to jump off. I had to intervene there and yell for her to follow the other kids.

Her mood swings are worse than mine when I was pregnant, but for her first presentation at church, she did great. I couldn't have been prouder and sadder at how big she was getting. Looking forward to many more of her performances :)