Carrie: The Next Chapter

"Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, 'I gave birth to him in pain.' Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, 'Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from evil that I may not cause pain.' And God granted his request." -1Chronicles 4:9-10

This verse has been a personal favorite of mine for many years. Even today it speaks new things to me. Oh how He has blessed me, enlarged my territory (area of influence and responsibilities) this year. I pray often that it would be His hands working through me because I cannot do anything in my own strength. Oh how He has spared me that I may not cause or endure pain.

The past year and a half have been a huge struggle for me emotionally. Well, really, since I had Jared. I've learned that personal struggles are not that at all, they affect those around you. For me, it's been my kids. Thank God for a rock of a husband who is understanding, patient and not easily moved by my craziness. I've felt like a shaken can of soda ready to burst as soon as one of my children did something that set me off. I seriously think my hormones were totally thrown out of whack. Call it PPD, PMDD, anxiety, whatever. Accompanied with fatigue and migraines, this did not bode well for the loving, nurturing, supportive home that I aspired to have for my family. I don't have unrealistic, perfect expectations, but something had to give. I've gotten some medicinal assistance, which has also been a struggle since I hate taking medication, but there came a time when I would do anything to stabilize my sanity and the emotional and physical security of my family.

So now that I feel half-way normal, we decided to home-school and got a puppy.  :)

The less complex decision first:

We always said we'd wait until Jared was 5 to get any kind of pet, that was the goal...until we went to Texas for Christmas and almost came home with a puppy. We didn't, and I literally (a little ashamedly) cried most of the 13 hour drive back. It's so silly now, it was just a puppy, maybe it was baby fever, I don't know. But I was eventually able to move on from the situation. THEN we decided to go to Purina Farms over Easter where a local rescue had brought puppies to play with. It was a sign I tell you! It was a good thing they didn't do on-the-spot adoptions, but I did throw out some pouty guilt to Lance about our first missed puppy opportunity.

The rescue idea stuck with me. When we got home I started looking into local rescues that had puppies. It was really more like window shopping because I knew we wouldn't actually take the time to go to any of them. Well, last weekend we were on the way to the park with some cranky kids, we took our usual route past Wal-Mart and Petco where I glanced and saw an interesting red and yellow sign out front. I couldn't read it, but my curiosity was struck. We pulled in, and it was adoption day. The kids always love to see animals, so this would be a good pit stop. There were a bunch of puppies. Some of them looked familiar, so I asked where they were from. The woman gave me the name and city, and I immediately knew they were one of the places I bookmarked online. Another sign I tell you! We got to hold some for a donation, we walked around a little, but the kids were still itching to go to the park before it got dark. The adoption was also cash only, so we couldn't do anything right then. We had a little bit of time to really think about it. Lance said ok. By the time we left the park we had enough time to get cash and go to back to Petco before she packed up the puppies! I knew exactly which one I wanted, and of course Jenna was OVER THE MOON. She's been wanting a dog for at least 2 years. She had one in mind, but said she didn't care what color it was, she just wanted a puppy. And that was that. The puppy still had to get spayed, which the rescue took care of, so we had a few days to prepare the house some. What I wasn't prepared for was the sleep deprivation of potty training. It's been a week, though, and I can say we have adjusted pretty well to our new addition, Lyla.  :)

Now the more in-depth decision, though, not a tough one.

For the last few months I have been researching, discussing, praying and contemplating homeschool for Jenna. It wasn't until I went to a homeschool expo this last weekend that I could actually say the words, "I'm going to homeschool her next year." For some reason I had stuck to, "I'm thinking of homeschooling..." Even though I had known in my heart for some time that that was what we were going to do, I couldn't say the words. My brain and the realization of everything that meant as far as CHANGE and ADJUSTMENT hadn't really caught up. I ran into a friend, told her I was "thinking about it" and that I had purchased some things. She immediately said, "Well you're not really thinking about it then." It hit me. I was PLANNING! The decision was really made, I just never said it out loud. You would think being at a conference like that where everyone was FOR homeschooling, a safe place, I'd be able to just say it. What was I so afraid of? From that moment on, when I'd stop at a vendor, I was simply a "first-timer." I am still saying, "We'll see how the year goes."  :)

Why was it so difficult to finalize the decision? Now this might sound dramatic, but the more I realized we have the freedom to teach our children in any way we want, the more intimidated I got. I feared ruining my child. It's one thing to stay home, being able to influence them, pour into them, then send them to school. It's quite another to be their main influence, 24/7, sole provider of education, the enrichment of their mind for the rest of their life! (insert exaggeration, but just a little). Aside from the facts and figures of learning is the character side. My character, behavior, mannerisms, are on full display, all day, to affect her, her character, her actions, her spirit. Talk about pressure.

A thought came to me this weekend that I really hadn't dwelt on until I had those 5 1/2 hours walking around, looking at tons of materials, listening to seminars, my brain functioning for one purpose: The ONLY reason we ever moved to Missouri was for me to be able to stay home (aka to afford for me not to work). I'm not referring to God's purposes for us being here and the "big picture", just reasons in my finite mind. Although, maybe homeschooling is one of them, now that I think about it. Well, five years ago (wow, it's been that long?!) staying at home held a little different meaning. I only had Jenna, endless amounts of time with her, I could teach her, rock her for 2 hours if I wanted to, go where-ever we wanted to, we didn't quite know what the future held for our family, I was lonely, isolated, you SAHMs know the drill. At the time homeschooling wasn't even a speck of a thought in my mind. The automatic thought is "school." Default. "Normal." Christian, public, those choices were discussed, but that was the extent of it.

I really believe I was supposed to be at that expo. It gave me some peace. I went to two seminars that were exactly what I needed. I wrote out the highlights below and believe this information can help many other moms, parents, PEOPLE.

My own comments are in brackets  :)

1.  The first was with Matthew Stevens, a former school teacher-turned homeschooler-turned curriculum author and speaker. He had a life-long battle with anger, resentment and pride. [Don't we all in some way?] He quoted a friend, former pastor and a speaker, Dr. S.M. Davis many times. He began with this, "The single biggest problems that fathers and mothers have is not the children; it is the parent's own impatience and anger." And Rev. James Martin said, "We're only as spiritual as we are in the home." [Ouch. I also think I needed to hear this one before appreciating the next!]

The Catastrophic Effects of Anger and the Hope in Humility in the Home

When we encounter someone, do they see Christ or just an angry person that says they're a Christian? Pride is all about our image. We very often can control ourselves outside the home because we want a good image. Inside may be a whole other story.

• Vengeance is not yours. We're getting angry because we've been crossed. We're taking vengeance. We feel like we have the authority to dish out and lash BACK. As we are training our children, it cannot be in a vengeful way.
  
• Romans 12:19 - "Never take your own revenge...'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord."
  
• Man's anger is never righteous. God is holy; his anger can be righteous because he is sinless.
  
• James 1:20 - "human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."
• Romans 8:23 - (paraphrase) "We groan for the day our bodies will be redeemed." They aren't yet. Our anger will never be for God's glory.
• We justify angry outbursts because they "are someone else's fault." When you look at the other person, don't think of it as an attack on you. You are having a reaction.
• Proverbs 22:24 - "Do not associate with a man given to anger."
• Our children are learning our ways. Our outbursts produce rebellion. [I can attest to this first-hand! Jenna is always immediately reactive and worse when I am sarcastic, inpatient and angry.]

Anger the Destroyer

•  Biblical description:
  
• Broken walls allow the enemy to come in and attack. Proverbs 25:28 - "He who has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls."
  
  
• Heavy/unbearable load. We are foolish to get angry. Proverbs 27:3 - "Stone is heavy and sand weighty, but a fool's wrath is heavier and more intolerable than both of them."
• Think about the weight your children and spouse carry around b/c of your anger. To live knowing and expecting it. 

• An overwhelming flood. Anger can undo 5 weeks of progress in 5 minutes. Proverbs 27:4 - "Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood."

Pride Causes Anger

• Something in our world went wrong. Proverbs 21:24 - "A proud and haughty man - 'Scoffer' is his name; He acts with arrogant pride."
  
• We tend to be more angry if we are struggling and dealing with sin in our life. There is guilt in unconfessed sin (ie. Cain, Balaam, David).
  
• Put away bitterness, wrath and anger. Ephesians 4:29-32 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.
  
• Parenting without anger.
  
• "My children will only respond to anger."
• Children are only responding this way b/c that's what anger TRAINED them to do. [This reminds me of the puppy's reactions to my tone - aka training!]
• You must retrain yourself and then them.
• Patiently teach them over and over. [They are children after-all!]
• We REact out of disobedience. We should be training them to follow God's law, not what is for our own good.
• The offense isn't against you, but God's law. They need to be reminded they've been created for God's glory. [We need to teach them what that means in respect to their behavior.]

• Spanking. Never administered in anger; only after the child has been patiently taught repeatedly.
• Because we love God, he disciplines us.
• Proverbs 22:8 - "He who sows [puts in] iniquity [wrong doing, unfairness] will reap sorrow, and the rod of his anger will fail." It doesn't prove productive, only failure [when unfair, sinful].
  
• Discipline that works. You can be firm without being angry.
• Judicious, not judgmental.
• Emphatic [insistent], not enraged. 
• Determined, not destructive.
• Watchful, not wrathful.
  
• Spirit of displine.
• Calm
• Attentive
• Firm 
  

The Problem with Impatience

• It instigates our anger. "Patience isn't an elective in God's curriculum but rather a required course that is foundational to your advancement in many areas of life." -S.M. Davis
• YOU'VE been forgiven much.
• Matthew 18:21-35 - The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
• Patient people are seldom angry. Impatient people are always angry.
• James 1:19 - "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

The Result of Impatience

• It shows a lack of true love. When I'm impatient I'm not loving. 1Corinthians 13:4-5 - "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered (provoked), it keeps no record of wrongs."

The Hope of Humility

1. It brings grace and honor
2. It is not an option
3. It will deliver you 

• Consider this with your children:
• Are YOU teachable?
• Are you approachable?
• Are you willing to take the time to train?
• Strive for effective communication, not with a sarcastic spirit.
• Spoken words = 7% effectiveness
• Facial expressions = 55%
• Tone of voice = 38%
• Build your home on humility.
• Admit wrongs. It's about our individual relationships with God.
• Ask forgiveness.
• Be committed.
• Ask your family for help.

Anger drives your children away.

2.  The second seminar I went to was entitled, "Eliminating the ADD Crisis" by Joyce Herzog. The premise was not to dismiss or lessen the symptoms of the child and very real struggles that families encounter with children who have been diagnosed with ADD. However, it was very enlightening to the fact that children are over-diagnosed based on their behavior as well as over-medicated for these issues. It was very much focusing on the individual child as a PERSON not a diagnosis. Remember, these are my notes, not all my opinion :)

You might wonder why I would go to a seminar about ADD since Jenna's never been diagnosed. If you've spent time with Jenna in a learning environment of any kind, you might not  :)  Let's just say much of this hit home.

Symptoms of ADD/ADHD

• Inattention [oh wait, that's me]
• Careless mistakes [me]
• Forgetfulness [me]
• Distracibility [me] and Impulsivity (blurting out, leaving their seat) [me]
• Hyperactivity

Though many experts have suggested removing all physical distractions for children with ADD, they will find a way to be distracted! In many ways were are trying to "fix" the child in a working school system. Instead try to think of the system as being broken and the child sacred. [Oooh that one got me.]

When you wonder why more boys are diagnosed with ADD than girls remember that God created men and women differently. The school system has been trying to avoid the differences.

The ADD Myth

In the 1950's psychiatry began categorizing behavioral traits. In turn, the field benefited from people being diagnosed. You can't take a blood or urine test for ADD, but the behaviors could be controlled with anti-psychotic medications. That's where the partnership with the pharmaceutical companies came in.

At this time in regards to schooling, progress and success was linked only to mastering skills. It is now linked to time in the system. *Don't buy new curriculum b/c their allotted time (or grade level) has gone by. Move on when they have LEARNED. Success and learning = progress! See your children for who they are and what they can do, not as school students at a grade level. [This was an eye-opener for me and will be a major shift for homeschooling.]

If you think of your child as "learning disabled," it defines your whole approach to the child. You know your child better than any professional. You tell them what's best for them!

Parental expectations bring about change. You can either CONTROL their behavior or EMPOWER them to take control of their behavior.

• Separate who he/she is from how she behaves. Explain that they are here for a purpose, and it isn't to throw tantrums (for example). They can return when they're ready to not throw a tantrum. But also don't assume the worst of them.

• They need to learn to control their own body. Sports are a great way to do this. Keep in mind if group sports are best, or something like karate where they must be in control. One exercise is time how long they can move only their eyes. Even if it's only for 2 seconds, praise them!! Move the time up. They are controlling body movements.
  
• Find an energy outlet! If they can't run around the house, find a place where they can. Another tip is that young children write better on a slanted surface. Some may need to stand up.

• Require early on she recognize her problem. 
• "You know, you can be a little clumsy sometimes."
• Show them what impulsive means. Mimic their behavior; "that's how it looks to me." Show them their reflection.
• Don't always focus on weaknesses. List and praise behaviors and attitudes that are good.
  
• Solutions
• Physical (Vision and Hearing)
• College of Vision and Hearing Development (covd.org)
• Find a doctor that can test vision FUNCTIONS, not just health of the eye and for vision correction. They may need vision training.
  
• Some children need to be active to learn or recite information.
  
• Diet and Exercise
• Regular balanced meals
• Do they have energy outlets? They may need a 10 min. learning time and 15 min. break. Move up to 15 min. class and 10 min. break, then a break every hour.
• Make sure they're in a controlled environment. At a small school it was a parking lot.
• Teach them control with exercise, jumping jacks, jump rope, etc.

• Use a gentle but firm touch
• One example could be that they need their back rubbed to stay focused.
• James Evans Autobiography (a good read-aloud for the family)

• Involve her in the solution! Not just telling her what to do. She's not a problem, she's a child. Involve her in setting goals.
• Give praise for any success (ie. stopping before crossing the street), behavior or academic.
• Help her think. "How did you knock down your sister? How should it have been handled? How can you improve next time? [I went and did this with Jenna that NIGHT, and it has been amazing.]
• Do not compare to siblings with what they can and can't do.
• If she is good at something you're not comfortable teaching (constructing, science experiments), find a place where she can be good at it! Channel their creative energy.
  
• Look at environmental solutions. You many need to change the structure of your home or classroom.
• Younger kids think better between 10 and 11 a.m. Use that!
• Older kids work better at night. They might prefer to read in their bed at 10 p.m. Work WITH them! Especially at home, you are in control of the schedule and structure.
  
• Learning solutions:
  
• They may not thrive using worksheets. 
• Maybe they like to highlight information or circle WRONG answers. [Jenna is very particular when it comes to me repeating directions exactly the same each time she works on a problem. If I don't, she's throws a fit. I tried to fit her into my teaching style and making her learn in different ways, when I should have been focusing on the best way SHE learns.]
  
• Spiritual solutions:
• Pray with your child and for your child.
• Praise God for them IN THEIR EARS.
• Record prayer requests and answers with them.
• Show them how important they are to God and you. 
• Accept limitations while challenging them to do their best and to make progress.
• They need positive role models with good habits they can copy.
• Dads are daughters' first boyfriends, and mom are sons' first girlfriends. Teach them what to expect and is expected of them.
• Find family time to build that bond.
• Work out consequences with them. For example, they don't want their brother to touch their things. Ask how they should handle OTHER people's things. Should they not touch their brother's things either? It is in their control.
• Get someone to watch your child so you can have a break.

This requires focus from you, even if they don't have it. 

Remind them that God accepts you as you are because you said "YES, I want to be yours." Everything else is secondary, even their hyperactivity. Help them to become who God created them to be.

God isn't done with YOU yet either. Cooperate with him, teach your children to cooperate with you.

"In the Heart of a Child, One Moment...Can Last Forever"

This is the sub-title of the book we are getting ready to read in our small group. It's called Just a Minute by Wess Stafford. About a month or so ago, when I was going over different parenting and marriage studies that our group could do this semester, I happened to check my email, opened a regular newsletter from MOPS International, and noticed this book advertised in the margin. I had heard of Compassion International, didn't know many details, but the fact that the book was written by the President caught my eye. More than that, at that particular time, I had really been reflecting on what kind of memories and mark as a mother I want to leave my children with.

I heard somewhere that by the time a child is 6, their personality is pretty much set. In my opinion, that's also when memories really start to "stick." I don't often remember specifics about my toddler years, maybe glimpses brought back by photographs. But I remember a lot more after I got into that elementary age. What glimpses do I want my children to remember about me at that stage in their life? When I react to something they did, like Jenna accidentally coughing in my face and immediately jerking and scolding her; or just how I speak to them when I'm frustrated, in a hurry or hormonal. I see glimpses of my childhood and also think I've blocked some things out. You know, how certain things flash in your mind and then others you try to remember details but can't? Often times it is the negative that leaves the biggest impression on us as children. I want to lessen the negative as much as possible. I want my children to know without a doubt that they are loved, valued and treasured.

This book caught my eye in that way, as a mother, but also in a broader sense, teaching toddlers on Sunday, interacting with other moms and their kids through playdates or school. It reminded me of how impressionable and vulnerable children are. We just went through The Five Love Languages of Children, and the main purpose of discovering a child's love language is to better understand how to keep their "love tank" full and how that will affect their self-esteem, attitude, ultimately their future. This doesn't mean unrealistic expectation of perfection, but it's a reminder to never lose sight of a child's perception of our words and actions. In the heart of a child, one moment can really last forever, a moment that could set the course for a child's life.

A note from our study guide: "Dr. Wess Stafford demonstrates powerfully in Just a Minute how every adult has opportunities to make a profound impact in a child’s life. It only takes a moment—an apt word, a gentle encouragement, or a caring gesture at a crucial time—to set a child on course for a promising future, secure in the knowledge that they are loved by God. To do this, we must become aware of the children around us and willing to take advantage of the divine appointments God arranges between us and children in need."

What a sweetie!

Ava has been the sweetest thing the last few days. A couple weeks ago we took the girls to get their ears pierced. For being so brave they got lots of goodies, headbands and suckers that they picked out at Claire's and milkshakes at Chick Fil A afterward. It has been a little challenging trying to keep them calm while I clean and twist them, but as long as they're distracted with something else (brushing their teeth, watching a cartoon, etc.) it's not so bad. Ava actually ran into the bathroom last night to remind ME that I forgot to clean them. I also talk them through it while I'm cleaning, "Oh, there's some yucky stuff coming out, I have to clean it off." Keeping it light and fun versus holding them down crying seems to work better for all of us.

Over the last couple weeks I've also been working on calming Ava down and nipping the screaming in the bud. She whines and screams as a reaction to pretty much everything, so it's been a challenge for both of us - for me to keep my cool, which isn't always successful, and for her to focus on me and talk instead of cry and scream. She even started breaking out when she cries, she's just so stressed. I'm hoping that my patience and attention to her feelings will affect her overall demeanor and future reactions. Like tonight, when Jared hit her in the head with a car she came and told me about it instead of screaming and crying, or when she stubbed her toe walking out of the kitchen, she kept walking while I talked to her instead of having a meltdown. Now, there were some whines and fits today, but I just have to keep up on the positive reinforcement, pick the battles, not give into the dramatics but hone in what is bothering her. For a while it was almost easier to ignore or just give her what she wants so she'll stop crying; we all know how well-rounded and unspoiled a child she would grow into if I continued that. I also realized that she, besides wanting attention, needs resolution.

Example 1. We were getting ready to leave the History Museum, getting jackets on. I know that she likes to try and put the second arm in herself, but it was taking too long, so I put it on for her. She stood completely still, screaming her head off in the middle of the main hall. I tried the walk-away and she'll just come method - yeah that didn't work. So as the line of people next to us was looking at her, I calmly walked back, kneeled down in front of her and tried calming her. She was crying about her arm, so I took off the jacket and let her do it, cheered her on for doing it herself, and she immediately stopped crying. When we got outside she whined a little that her hood wouldn't stay up because it was so windy, but we laughed about it as we all rushed to the car. They all passed out on the way back.

Example 2. She wants an answer, any answer. She'll ask where every place is, and wants a real response. "Where is church?" I can no longer just say, "Oh we have to drive there, you can't see it from here," or she will just keep asking me. It must be something like, "Down the road, by the mall," and she'll say, "Ok." She did the same thing with "Where is the doctor's?" I said, "It's kind of far." She kept asking, so I finally said, "Fenton!!" and she said, "Oh, k." It is the cutest and most frustrating thing ever. It's not that she even knows where Fenton is, but she knows what a run-around is.

I am constantly amazed and impressed by this little "curly girly." The other day she came up to me out of nowhere, gave me a hug and said, "Thank you for getting my headband at the jewelry store mom." I almost cried right there. At dinner time Lance will tell me "thank you for making dinner mommy" to bring on some appreciation from the kids, sometimes they'll thank me back. I gave the kids slivers of some key lime pie Lance had gotten the other day, Jenna also wanted another little piece of cornbread. I serve up the pie, and Jenna started full-on complaining about wanting a bigger piece. I split one piece between the three kids, then I was going to have a regular piece. I am going back and forth with Jenna, "If you can't be happy with what you have, you won't have any. I'm being fair by giving you all the same size." She then has the audacity to then tell me not to give her as big a piece of cornbread next time! Finally, a breath of fresh air in a whine-infused kitchen when Ava says, "Thank you for making dinner and giving pie mommy." Not to mention that she asked twice for "more milk please mom." Now, I didn't want to make Jenna feel bad or anything, but I couldn't help but switch to the high-pitch mommy voice to tell Ava, "Aw, you're welcome sweetheart."

Later I decided to give the toddler bed another try with Ava. She's been able to climb out, and does, for a while now. I'd just rather her get up out of the bed than worry about her slipping off the rail half-awake in the middle of the night. So Lance and I took apart the crib and moved the little bed in. We were talking up the whole "big girl bed" thing with her while she was in and out. She's also getting used to the idea of us giving toys away because she picked up the little kick piano that had been hanging on her crib and says, "This is for someone else now," and threw it down.  LOL  Of course Jared loves that he can reach it to climb in and won't be left out. While I was changing the sheets, I put a toddler size top sheet on and told Ava it would be just like Jenna and mommy's bed with another sheet and blanket. When it came time for bed I was not looking forward to her getting in and out, playing around, like she did the last time we took the crib conversion rail down in August. But we had our routine, books, prayer, CD in, kisses and getting tucked in. As she was getting in bed she said, "Thank you for putting my new bed, and daddy."  :)  More often than not one of us also has to lay next to her bed for her to go to sleep, but while the mood was high and fun that she was in a big girl bed I left. It was a little later than I would've liked, but on days that she doesn't take a nap (like today) I just never know what level of frustrating bed-time is going to be. It all rides on Ava's crankiness. To my surprise the only time she called out was to put her blanket back on. Other than that I don't think she's gotten up and is doing great.

Now, would I rather her take the afternoon nap, or just deal with the mood repercussions in the evening to have her pass out at bed time? Decisions...

Ghosts and Bling

There are a lot of home-made Halloween decorations around the house, and it's nice actually having some decor outside, potted mums, decorated pumpkins, craft wind socks, some foam crafts hanging in the window. It's a big improvement from just our empty, dead-weedy planters. All of the kids can walk now, so I'm hoping this Halloween will be even more fun and eventful. Although, topping Abby Caddaby and my Big Bird costume from last year could be challenging. When we went to the store a while back Ava decided on a Minnie Mouse costume for herself, and I decided that Jenna would use her dance recital outfit to be a princess, and she got a new tiara. From the beginning of this season she kept saying she wanted to be a ghost, but I would change the subject, or say maybe next year. A ghost? It seems too simple. Aren't we supposed to spend $15 on pre-made, ultra-cute costumes with accessories? Well, I did get one for me and Jared, but I decided to cave on the ghost idea for her. As soon as I told Jenna she could be a ghost, naturally Ava also decided that was what she wanted! So as of today Minnie is off to VA for Katie. My step-mom and I made a fun trip to JoAnn Fabrics to find some iron-on fabric that I could use for the costumes. I found a really cute idea online to cut out a hole for their head to go through then put the ghost face on the front, which you can see on my Pinterest board  :)  As soon as I cut out the head and arms and put Ava's pillowcase on tonight she was running around the house, laughing hysterically!! This will be a hit, and one that I won't mind her using for dress up since it won't have tons of glitter falling all over the place. First task complete tonight, cutting out the eyes and mouths, and I also got some little jeweled ribbon that will iron-on. Jenna wants to just put the sheet on her head like the costumes she sees all the time. I don't think I can do it. I WAS that ghost when I was little, but I want to see her face in the pictures. So ghost costumes that are still simple with some bling are in the works. I'm feeling very "domestic momish" right now with my scissors and iron-ons. I don't make things.

Baby Bar & Grill

If you saw a young mother schlepping 3 kids into a sports bar & grill last night, that was me.

It was a long, stormy day in Branson. A trip to Wal-Mart with Ava was the major outing of the day, until dinner time when the power went out in the condo. We walked down to the theatre and restaurant building, and I had a feeling it would be a rough night when both of the girls tripped and fell on the way down, then we found the doors locked and lights out in the building. The cook came out to tell us they didn't have power either and that an electric pole was hit and knocked down nearby. 900 people were without power around the area. So where, oh where, would we get these kids dinner, and soon?? An old friend of my mom's was with us, and my mom also wanted to catch some of the football games that were going. Lucky for us a young lady approached before we got into our cars to leave. She asked if we were looking for a place to watch the game, and there is a family-friendly sports bar & grill that would have power. I didn't know there was such a thing, so I asked, "What exactly does that mean?" She said it's non-smoking and kids are welcome.

We pulled into the parking lot for the auto museum and toy shop and followed it around to the bar & grill. We made our way up the stairs, with only one more injury, Ava hitting her head on a piece of wood on the stair railing. As soon as we walked in I could feel my face changing into "overwhelmed and don't look at me." There were two guys playing pool right by the entrance, and the big smiles on their faces said to me, "She looks overwhelmed, and we've never seen that many kids in here." We made our way to a table, and on the way I paused where a couple had a baby in a carrier, and I said, "I'm glad I'm not the only one" with a smile on my face. When we got to the table I quickly moved Jenna to the end that had a more clothed picture of cheerleaders under the glass top than the other side with a girl in a bikini. Jared would occasionally jump and look around at the groups screaming and cheering with every other play of the games, whining "momma" and "up." Jenna doesn't do well with loud noises, said her "forehead was hurting," she hardly ate anything, and was hugging my arm most of the time. Ava warmed up to the place soon enough as she would clap and laugh along with the cheers around the room. As soon as the kids were done eating we decided to get going, and I'm glad we did because it started pouring rain as soon as we got in the car!

I was SOOO glad that the power was on when we got home. The groceries I had just bought weren't wasted, and I could give the kids a bath before bed. Jenna was exhausted and wanted to go to bed without a story, and Ava is in the portable crib. At the end of the day, it was nice to get a break from the rain for a bit, get out of the condo, and also be in a place where the adults were yelling louder, and being more rowdy, than my children. :)

On point

Except for not fitting in a shower, I was suprisingly on point today. I'm tired, but I feel like things ran pretty smoothly. Everyone was up, fed and dressed on time, I remembered to give Jared some ibuprofen for his teeth before leaving (or I knew he'd be miserable), got everyone in the van to take Jenna to the bus, then right to MOPS. I actually remembered paci, blankie, snacks and juice cup for Jared in the nursery. I put him in a miniature chair at a kids table with all of his things and then left to take Ava to her room. I saw him cry right away, but I had to give it a chance. Ava was screaming at the top of her lungs when I was trying to leave her room, but I knew she would be fine in a couple minutes. This was our first MOPS meeting of the year, and it was a great time talking to friends and other moms that I didn't really get to know last year. After the meeting, I went off to get Jared, and the workers told me he sat in his chair the whole time! I could've cried right there. This was over 2 hours! I had given him medicine, he completely missed his morning nap and was exhausted. I also don't think he knew how to get out of that little chair on his own. Not that he would've allowed anyone to pick him up anyway, but I felt bad for him. At least my mom will be here the next two months to stay with him. Ava was happy as could be in her class and when I got her.

By the time we got home, we played a little, then it was time to get Jenna off the bus and have lunch. After Jenna had some quiet time playing her Leapster and laying down, Ava was refusing to take a nap, so outside we went. The girls dug in the dirt, did bubbles, and Jenna threw some rocks onto the patio that she had to sweep back into the planters. By this time she was exhausted and ready to go back inside. Before they played, it was shower time. I'm so glad I got that out of the way! It was a rough late afternoon with all these restless, tired, kids. I tried to sit with Jenna to do an assignment, but I knew she was too cranky to focus. I was determined to get good bed times for all of them. So I did! Jared was down by 6:30, and Ava was out at 7. While I was sitting with Ava, Jenna was at the kitchen table doing some drawing. I came out and had her do one of her homework assignments on her own, coloring, cutting and gluing pictures that start with "C" while I cleaned up the kitchen. Things don't usually work out well when I hover  :)  After that we had a very nice time completing her other assignment, practicing writing numbers 1-10. She tends to rush when she's writing, so we've been working on slowing down. When she does a number like 2 it can look like a backwards "S," so I came up with the "stop sign" for each number that has sharp points in. Now when she writes them she makes a race track track sound and screeches the brakes when she needs to pause at a point. This has helped her slow down a lot and focus on the shapes and curves of the numbers. She also consistenly drew legible 8s on her sheet! That has been her toughest one to get. After almost every number I praised her, and she gave me a big hug. I love that smile that came from her, she was so proud of herself. They actually looked like the right numbers  :) We also worked on using lowercase letters in her name, and she would continually tell me NOT to give her instruction line-by-line-by-curve. I had to back off the hovering. She was even in a good enough mood to do some EXTRA activities. One that I picked from the choices on her sheet was jumping, skipping, kneeling and twisting, 10 times each. For kneeling I showed her to lunge, which I only did once and hoped she'd get it.  She skipped across the living room, did her twists and then wanted me to twist too. Why not? After all of those school things she actually wanted to do some of her Kindergarten workbook that I got from Target. We did 4 pages, then it was time to get ready for bed, right at 8 p.m.

Most nights the girls go down at the same time, I have to sit by Ava's bed until she falls asleep, and I sneak back out to the living room. The past few nights Jenna has wanted me to lay down with her too, and I tell her that I can if Ava goes to sleep well. Last night Ava was NOT going to sleep, but I wanted to give Jenna some cuddle time, laid with her for a few minutes while Ava was up getting into things, then finally went to do the dishes and left Ava to go to sleep on her own, which was about 10 p.m. after repeatedly taking her back to her bed. Days that Ava doesn't take a nap are rough in the afternoon but pay off at night because she falls asleep so much quicker. So tonight I could actually lay down with Jenna. Twenty minutes later she was still awake, but quiet as I left the room.

The kitchen is decent, the kids are all asleep now, it's almost 9:30, and I might actually get a good night's sleep. I have definitely been wearing down the last few days. I can tell my mind is not all there. My mom's coming back tomorrow, and I need a nap  :)

Advanage

I just had to blog about this eventhough I posted about it on Facebook. I rarely answer the door for anyone during the day. If it's the weekend Lance and I would determine together whether to answer the door. If so, then he'd answer or be close by. We have been known to get knocks at the door at 9 p.m. at which point my heart rate and anxiety jump as I rush into one of the kids's rooms to peek through the curtains so as not to make the person think someone is home, let alone aware that we heard the knock or doorbell at all. There has been one gentleman, in a suit and professional-looking, that has come by twice in the last few months during the day. He's had paperwork out on the hood of his car, but I couldn't tell if he was going around the rest of the neighborhood as well. He was either selling something, or doing a background check on a neighbor, which I guess I didn't help with. All this again assessed through a crack of the kids' curtains while I'm shooshing them so the person doesn't hear them.

This afternoon Jared and Ava were asleep, and Jenna was playing her Leapster when the doorbell rang. Usually people will wait a minute before ringing it again. This person gave it maybe 5 seconds. So I answered the door, knowing the screen was locked, assessed the situation and decided to open it. I stood right between a cracked screen door and the frame, and the salesman immediately asked for the adult of the house. From then on it was complement after complement about my age, "Wow you don't look 30! I thought you were a teenager!" Those were the least off-putting. He was selling an all-purpose cleaner, biodegradable, safe with children and pets, safe for fabric, and all natural. Natural enough for him to pull out the spray bottle nozzle and lick the tubing. Yes that's right. I thought two things, "EW," and "Non-hazardous is always good with the kids around." He proceeded to scrub the grime off of my brass address numbers, some mildew that was in the cracks of the blocks of my front planter, some of the driveway, and also clean an area of the screen glass. I was impressed when he rubbed his fingers back over it, and it left no fingerprints! Again, great for the kids. He had a brochure that I glanced over while he was going through the pitch, sporadically looking up and reacting to his jokes. I asked a couple questions, and told him I'd talk to my husband about it. His response, "When you go to Walmart to buy your cleaning supplies do you check with him first?" Again, I thought two things, "Excuse you, don't be talkin' 'bout my husband!" and "That's true." I finally decided I would get it.

For one thing, with the 5 different cleaners I have under my sink, it wasn't a terrible deal for something that would last a long time because it's a concentrate. I knew I would not be giving him a check or credit card, and I did have cash. I didn't have the tax amount, so he said he'd take it off for a cold drink. So I gave him a root beer and bottle of water.

I also sympathized with him as a door salesman and (supposedly) trying to raise his 10 year old son on it. His situation is probably different from the tons of teenagers we get selling professional lawn service all spring. He asked me if I'd ever done it. I said no. I do remember going with my mom when I was a kid and she sold vacuum cleaners and all the stuff that went along with them. This was when people let you in their house.

I think a part of me was also nervous about what would happen if I said "no" after all that time and effort. So basically I made a purchase out of some reasoning, guilt, sympathy and nerves.

As soon as I closed the door I immediately looked up the product's website. It looks legit, and it's sold on Amazon. So I at least didn't feel ripped off. The worst of the articles I've read so far about the product were about customer service and that I'm not the first of these well-rehearsed complements. I should've left well enough alone and ignored the door. Nonetheless, we are all safe and will have clean number plates, windows and driveway...if I get around to cleaning them. Crap.