...and a happy new year!

As the new year rolls around I look back at what a year this has been. Our family increased to five, Lance got his boy in beautiful Jared, Ava has been making new developments every day that have passed my expectations, Jenna is loving going to school and learning responsibility. I still endure a battle of wills when it comes to the potty with Jenna, while Ava has started demanding that I take her. Jared is in the 50th percentile for size, which has my mom anxiety constantly on a roller coaster, should I switch to formula to get more weight on him, is it my fault b/c I'm still nursing and he may not be getting enough, or is he just going to be a little guy??

As a stay at home, any contact with the outside world is usually a joy and relief. It has been quite the adjustment trying to take 3 kids out all at once, but it has been good for all of us for me to brave thru it and get them out of the house as much as I can. Some days I have found myself spending too much time on the computer, which is proven when I open up the laptop and Ava starts whining at me. But I need that connection to big people. Lance calls me technology girl because I have been known to have the TV on, Facebook up and texting. I just say they are my window to sanity.

This year I've made a few discoveries, that while they might not seem exciting to the average person, have made a difference in my household. These are the things I get excited about lately, just a few of my favorite things/discoveries from 2010:

• Jenna's preschool in the school district
• The City Garden downtown - we've only gone once, but it is a breath of fresh air in the middle of the city. (City Garden website)
• Agave Nectar (Honey Tree website)
• Hormel natural deli meats and bacon w/ no nitrates
• Oscar Meyer Angus hotdogs w/ no nitrates
• Heintz no high fructose corn syrup ketchup
• Amazon diaper deals (thanks to Parents mag adding their coupons in their issues)
• Breyers lactose free ice cream
• Craisins! - We occassionally go back and forth with raisins, but the kids love the sweetness of the cranberries, and get mixed in with their Cheerios for snack almost daily. A little article. Along with the craisins, we enjoy Pomegrantite/Cranberry juices (still diluted for the kids, but very beneficial).
• Parenting - The Early Years study. We did this study with our small group, and it was really practical and applicable to my life. It was challenging to me as a parent but packaged very simply and clearly.

I'm looking forward to a new year, but I've never been one to see it as a new start, a new time. It's literally just the day after today. It's going to be Saturday. The biggest excitement I ever had for a new years was at Y2K anticipating what would happen to our computers at work LOL which of course was nothing. It's fun to stay up til midnight (if I can make it that long), we'll watch the New Years Rockin' Eve and the ball drop. I don't get super excited often. I'd say I reserve it for things like friends' and families' births of babies, watching someone open a gift I've given them, the first time Ava peed on the toilet, or watching Jenna write out her name for the first time. You know, the little things :)  I can't bring myself to make a new years resolution either. If I haven't had the care to get up and go the gym in over a month, why would I feel like it on Saturday? Now I don't want to sound like a downer or anything because I do enjoy celebrating as much as the next person, and I love a good party. I just wish I could have one without needing to get the kids down by 7 :) So I do hope and anticipate that this next year will be better than this one, I hope to continue to instill the best of myself, my love, my wisdom in my children, to be the best mother, wife, friend, sister and daughter that I can and just to be "present." To not take things for granted but appreciate all of the blessings that are in my life and the many more that I know God has in store for me. HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

My man

Yes, two blogs in one day. That's a record for me. But I wrote in my first one that I was sick yesterday, so I was planning on posting it then. Oh well.

So the last few days Lance and I have been getting in little tiffs about who does what and how much around the house. I can never fully explain or make him understand why sometimes the laundry is just going to stay downstairs for a couple days. With the 3 kids upstairs it's not my #1 priority to run up and down the stairs to get laundry. Even when Ava naps I'm either doing other things around the house, something with Jenna, or dare I say NOTHING. My win in the argument (I think) was the fact that I do not need a honey do list, I know what needs to get done, and some things are my responsibility, so I just do them. I don't need to be nagged to do anything. I say it was my "win" because there was silence afterward. What could he really say? He has a to do list (things that I want him to do that I'm capable of doing myself but think he should), that gets one thing crossed off every month! I wouldn't have to nag if things actually got done without me saying something. Anywhooo...

We were both cranky getting out to church yesterday, but then I remembered that we CHOOSE our mood. I refuse to be controlled by my emotions, especially when it's pointless anger. I hate it. So I lightened up and chose to not be in a funk all day. But it got a little worse when we had to wait even longer at Cracker Barrell for a table. Lance said I told him to say 5 people, which I DO NOT remember saying, but when I ask him if he's just going to be grumpy I actually got a "can't you just leave me alone?" Well fine. When we got home I played with the kids, and he and my dad watched football. All was settled down by dinner time. Lance fed Jared, I fed Ava, then I got sick. At least I got some sympathy there. I told him Jenna still needed to eat. I passed out in bed. From what I heard here and there I knew he got them ready for bed and put down. At one point I heard him come in the house, he had gone to the store while my dad stayed with the kids. I assumed he got Jared formula so he could give him a bottle and paper towels because we were out. At another point, not sure what time, I could here him doing dishes. Then around 10:30 he came to bed, Jared woke up around 11. Lance got up and brought him to me to feed him. I took Jared back to his bed.

I went out to the kitchen to replenish my ginger ale and to get some pretzels, hoping I wouldn't throw them up. When I walked out I felt like crying. The kitchen table was completely cleared of its clutter from the night before. There were no dishes in the sink, no bottles on the counter that had to go out to the recycle bin, there was a wet swiffer in the trash, so I knew he had cleaned the floor. I noticed the kids hamper wasn't in Jared's room, so he had started their laundry. The throw blankets were folded on the couch, there were no toys on the floor.

Well, I went back to bed feeling better, gave him a cuddle and thank you for everything. I passed out again. Jared woke up again around 5, so Lance brought him to me, then I fed him and put him back down. Lance got up with the girls, I have no idea what time, and I finally got out of bed around 8, took a nice shower, came out to a cup of coffee waiting for me. Lance got ready for work and left around 9:30. My dad came over around 10 before heading out to the airport.

Really not surprisingly Lance stepped up when I just couldn't do anything. I might complain about little stuff, but he goes above and beyond when I really need him. I love my man!

It's Christmastime in the city...

Well, I was planning on finishing this on Sunday but something made me sick, so I spent the evening in bed. Anyway...
It is the (second) day after Christmas, and I didn't really want to see it go, I think because things go back to "normal." Not that my normal isn't blessed, ever-learning, but it gets monotonous. I find that over Christmas we talk about Jesus a lot more in the house because we are constantly reminding Jenna that he is the reason we celebrate, not because of just getting new toys. I had Jenna go through some of her toys to donate them to Salvation Army. That was interesting try to explain to a 4 year old why she is getting rid of her things. Without over-explaining, I tried to convey that other kids would really enjoy them like she does, she would be getting new toys, and it's important to give to others who maybe don't have the money to buy brand new toys from the store.

Aside from that, at the nearing of the Christmas season, looking at the budget, we decided to just get the kids one main toy (and a couple little things) from us because we knew they'd be getting other gifts from family. That worked out really well, especially because we got a few gift cards, so I was still able to pick out things that I thought they would like that we couldn't purchase ourselves. My dad is also visiting, so he and I went out shopping for the kids. Again, I could help pick out things for them. One of which was a Strawberry Shortcake remote controlled car, which Jenna and Ava both love. I think it's the hit this Christmas.

This year was really tough for me with the whole Santa thing. The kids have been watching the Santa Claus movies every day and Jenna has loved the idea and magic of the reindeer and all. And every morning as soon as Ava wakes up she says, "Watch Santa" and proceeds to shove the remove at me. Last year and this year we made it where Santa brings one present, but we still talk about exchanging gifts with each other. Sunday morning, Jenna asked me again why we give each other gifts on Christmas. It was a nice little teaching moment about God's gift to us of Jesus and we give gifts as part of that celebration and rememberance. She proceeded to remind me that it's also because it's Jesus' birthday :) But of course every time she asked about Santa bringing gifts my heart sinks in the lie answers about Santa's reindeer landing on the roof, Jenna wanting to sleep on the couch and wait for Santa, that Santa left their new bikes by the fireplace, etc. She has so much fun with it, but I hate it. I decided not to crush it before Christmas, but to approach it after in that Santa is pretend but still fun. I made an attempt at lunch after church when she was asking about Santa landing on the roof. She didn't really get it. Naturally I go into over-explaining mode that probably confused her even more. Forget it.

As far as me and Lance goes, we originally decided not to get each other anything, so we would be able to do more for the kids, Christmas dinner, etc. That didn't happen, mostly because Jenna dropped my camera and Lance knew I would not be satisfied over Christmas without a camera. Lance isn't really the romantic type and ended up telling me what he was going to get, but I was still just as excited to get a new camera. Then of course I have the pressure to get him something because he can't NOT open something from me on Christmas. This turned into a last minute Christmas Eve trip to Macys. He is really the easiest to buy for because he's happy with getting new clothes, iTunes gift cards, stuff like that. So he got some new jeans and long-sleeved polo for work, all on sale of course. And when my dad and I went out to get the kids gifts from him on Thursday, I also suggested he get Lance an electric shaver because he's been wanting one. Done.

Last weekend Jenna and I got a 24 hour bug that left us in bed for 2 days, then Lance got it. Thankfully Ava and Jared didn't, but my dad got sick on Christmas Eve and spent the whole day in bed at his hotel. So much for Christmas Eve dinner. It turned out ok, though, because that's when I went out shopping for Lance, and the kids got to open a present. Christmas morning rolled around, the kids got to open a couple little things from us before breakfast, my dad was feeling much better, we had a leisurely morning. Then present opening. It actually went better than I thought it would, the girls would open at the same time with Lance's help, and my dad was holding Jared opening for him. I was taking pictures of course. We tried to get through the opening without having to play with everything right away. Done with that, then for clean up and sending them off with a toy while we unpacked and loaded batteries in the other toys.

They each got some books, their own interactive "video games," (Jenna's is by LeapFrog and Ava's is a little piano that can also hook up to the TV), Jared got his own teethers, which of course Ava prefers to take his than use her own, more "boyish" baby toys with jungle animals and one of those little steering wheels with buttons and music. Jenna has an obsession with animal figurines, so she got a big bag of safari animals and a barrel of dinosaurs (we must have watched Ice Age 3 every day since it was on a few weeks ago, I DVRed it). Ava loves to get the mail with me everyday, so she got a toy mailbox with "letters" and a package. It's so cute. Jenna also got an indoor hopscotch rug, so that's fun for us to both do. I can't even remember everything, but it's nice to have some new variety of things to occupy them.

We started Sunday off pretty early at 6:30, but at least it was the girls and not Jared. He slept from 11:30-8. Mornings always start out ok until it's time to get coats on and try to get out the door. Then it's full stress-mode. Jenna just decides not to move! It seems particularly worse on Sunday mornings. Of course we get in the worst possible mood. So I really tried to lighten up in the car and destress. The message was great, focusing on God being a giver and living with the open-handed mentality of giving and being able to receive from God. My take-away, "God is the best giver. Giving is how love expresses itself." Love that. After church we met up with my dad at Cracker Barrell. What was originally a 40 minute wait turned into an hour because Lance told them 5 people instead of 6, so we had to wait longer (unless we wanted to sit in smoking). I can't believe they still have restaurants with a smoking section. But I kindly declined that I didn't want to take 3 kids in the smoking section. The kids did really well waiting, eventhough it was well-passed Ava's 11 o'clock nap time. She got the crankiest at the table waiting for food. No surprise there. Again, another leisurely afternoon, until sickness hit me about 5 p.m. Then I spent the rest of the evening in bed.

Overall, it was a successful Christmas day. I just wish my dad's visit wasn't full of Jenna running away to hide from him (this isn't a new thing), my dad being sick, and my getting sick again. It was good to have him here, though. I'm just putting off taking the tree decorations down. Tomorrow is trash day. Will I do it before then? We'll see about that one. Lance went in late to work today so I could sleep in. I don't know if I have the energy for all that. One more week of a Christmasy house is fine with me :)

Firsts

Today at church the kids performed their Christmas song. This was actually the second time they did it, but last week a number of kids, including our own, weren't there due to the snow. Jenna has practiced the song in her class, and we've also listened to it numerous times in the car. Now, she loves when we dance around the house together, but for some reason, she does NOT like when I sing along. She says she wants to sing it, though she doesn't because she doesn't know the words to most of the songs that are on the radio. This was also the case in my singing along to the Candy Cane song in the car. She hides her face and turns on the whining for me to stop. This girl loves to put on a show for us, but when we put her on the spot to "practice" her Christmas song she refuses. She is really good at picking up music, though, so I knew that she really did know her song.

Well, today at church she went into class early to practice one more time before going up on the stage in "big church." This was preceded by whining and her face turning red because she wanted to stay in the toddler room where I was preparing to teach that class. But she went. Another woman filled it for me as I rushed into the sanctuary to make sure I got a good spot to record the performance, leaving the other ladies that I was walking with behind. I didn't want to be rude, but they stopped to talk along the way, and I had to get in there. In the moment I was told the other workers who had kids up there were going in I got this surge of energy, anxiety, pride and joy. Now, if you've seen Jenna's dance recital video you know she is not one of the shy kids who freezes up on stage. She loves it. I wasn't quite sure what to expect as I watched the line of kids come up on the stage. It's so funny as parents how self-conscious we get because you just never know what your kid is going to do, and you're just hoping they don't embarras you somehow.

It always feels a little weird to me having her in the sanctuary where people don't usually see me in mom mode, but just on the worship team, where I'm composed and not standing alone. It all changed the moment she walked up on the stage.

As the tallest kid on stage, she was front and center, and I could literally feel all of my teeth exposed into an ear-to-ear smile that would not go down through the whole song. I actually felt weird being that happy. What was wrong with me? LOL I was hanging on her every movement. I couldn't hear her specifically, but I saw her mouth moving with every word. A couple times I saw her finger moving to the nose area and felt my heart stop hoping it wouldn't actually go IN the nose, but it was just a little poke and scratch thankfully. But more surprising than the fact that she knew all the words and actually started doing the movements, was that she stayed right in her spot. She did turn around a couple times and talked to the girl next to her to tell her she liked her candy cane. At the end when all the kids were walking off she walked to the edge, and I knew she wanted to jump off. I had to intervene there and yell for her to follow the other kids.

Her mood swings are worse than mine when I was pregnant, but for her first presentation at church, she did great. I couldn't have been prouder and sadder at how big she was getting. Looking forward to many more of her performances :)

King of Anything

During our vacation I was so glad that we had our XM. One song that I heard on the way down and back was "King of Anything." This was hilarious to me as it was a vivid reflection of a past relationship and inspired me to draft my own song while everyone was asleep as I drove. Although the more I listen to it and watch the video I see it from the perspective of a person being "preached at." To each his own interpretation. But here's the link.

http://www.rhapsody.com/player?type=undefined&id=tra.40373590&remote=undefined&page=undefined&pageregion=undefined&guid=undefined&from=undefined&__pcode=

Making up for lost time

Ahhhh, back to the blog after a week off in Texas. It was a much-needed change of pace in the country at Lance's parent's. Jared and I were the last ones to join the rest of the gang in the morningg, I had time to take a shower every day, I didn't have to entertain the kids all day every day...and of course the kids got to spend quality time with the grandparents. We decided to split up the 10 1/2 hour trip into two days, so we left on Saturday the 20th, stopped in Little Rock, AR and got to Texas on Sunday. The kids did suprisingly WONDERFUL the entire trip down. I think Ava whined for a total of 30 seconds on the second day. This is mostly thanks to the built in DVD player in the van as we turned Ava around to see the screen, so the two girls couldn't see each other to communicate. The only exception to their wonderfulness was the hotel stay. That was enough to give me a huge headache. We all got to bed at 9:45. We leisurely got up and drove Sunday morning.

During that day's trip we stopped for lunch in Texarkana, about 2 hours from the Clifton's, and a man in his late 20's approaches the van before we close the doors to drive off. Lance was the only one outside the van, but Jared's door was opened. The man didn't look homeless but he was asking for money. He said was staying at the Salvation Army, which has a two free nights then it's $8 a day. Lance offers to get him food, but he says they feed him there. So Lance offers to contact Salvation Army to cover a couple nights instead of giving him money. He was surprised by this gesture, but ended up declining. So we assume that he was strategically located outside the liquor store for a reason, so we didn't give him any money. Well, I felt kind of bad if he ended up sleeping on the street and we could've done something. So we call the Salvation Army, but they didn't know of anyone staying there by the man's name. I have the bright idea to track the place down and leave a donation for someone to stay beyond their free nights, and if that guy showed up great. After about 30 minutes of finding the place, a staffer at Salvation Army kindly told me that they can't accept cash, but this guy that came up to us was probably scamming us. So I head out feeling bad that I couldn't do more, but we tried. THEN, as we're heading off Lance tells me he remembers another part of the conversation. While they were talking in the parking lot the guy takes notice that we're from out of town and asks Lance if he knows who gypsies are. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Lance tell him he does, and the man tells him that's who he's with. First of all, knowing this at the beginning of this goose chase would've deterred me and eased my guilt for not being able to help this guy out. Like I said, he didn't look homeless, but here I am thinking maybe he got evicted, lost his job, something!!! But no, he is willfully out on the street, hitting people up for money. And btw I found out that Salvation Army has 3 free nights and is $6/day after that. Needless to say I was just hoping I would see that guy walking down the street so I could yell at him and sarcastically correct his scam information. Oh well.

Anyway...the kids had a nice trip of fishing, playing with the dogs, running around and playing ball outside, eating out, and hotel fun (for them not us).

We left Friday morning heading for Memphis. Now I didn't have time to book our hotel night, so Lance did it from his parent's house. It wasn't until we were on our way that I realized it was 30 minutes completely out of the way from our route home in south Memphis. On top of that we couldn't find a decent place to eat near the hotel, and ended up getting the kids Wendy's cheeseburgers and milk, and we had some apples with us. It was also a bath night, so the kids didn't have a whole lot of time to run around the room before bed. After Lance made the last trip up from the car he tells me that there's a sign stating a strict "no noise" policy at the hotel. Apparently there is a whole floor reserved for the railway workers, they work all shifts and have this policy in place mainly for them. As you can imagine, any peep from the kids sent me into panic mode thinking we were going to get kicked out with 3 kids at any moment. We also filled Jenna in on this information as we would be "sleeping in the car all night if she keeps yelling and messing with Ava." My panic shifted into high gear at 12 a.m., 2:30 a.m., 5:30 a.m., all times that Jared woke up screaming his head off. I felt conflicted by my sympathy for his gas pains and shrill cries and my desire for him to shut up before we got kicked out on the street in the middle of the night. At these times Ava also woke up crying. By 6:30 a.m. I had probably gotten 3 good hours of sleep and the rest were worthless. Jenna was waking up, Ava was passed out and we left her that way until her and her pack n play were the last things to get out the door. Under normal circumstances we would've taken our time packing up, taking showers, etc., but we HAD to get out of that hotel before I lost my mind! We ate breakfast at the restaurant as quickly as possible with three kids and were off! About 4 1/2 hours to go, not including the stops. The kids did pretty well again, mostly whiny the last couple hours, Ava specifically. We stopped by our friends to get our garage door opener, as they took out our trash cans while we were gone, made a milk, bread and eggs stop at the store and were ALL relieved and happy to be home sweet home.

Love Unconditional

We've been doing a parenting study with our small group about 10 Bibilical traits that "our kids will thank us for." It's in a format where you see all types of parents and children that are ultimately dealing with the same issues. While it's been one of those "thank God it's not just my kids" moments many times watching the DVD, it's also really made me examine how I am instructing and shaping my children. That last session we watched really focused on unconditional love. Of course I know that I love my kids unconditionally, but do they know that? When I yell at Jenna for yet again having an accident in her pants and basically saying it's your fault your behind is irritated now...when she isn't moving fast enough to get her shoes on...when she's playing with Ava but then closes the door on her fingers??? And then I wonder why she tells me the other day, as I'm doing my hair and makeup, that she needs to put some makeup on too and do her hair because it's not good enough. What?? Where on earth did she get that idea? Did someone else tell her that? I proceeded to tell her that she is beautiful and doesn't need makeup to make her "better". But I also understood that she wanted to just because I was. So I gave her a little brush of light finishing powder and let her put some on. Hearing my child say that in some way she isn't good enough breaks my heart. But even as I'm typing this tons of my own responses to her "messing up" are coming back to me. I tell her I love her all the time, and she tells me too. But watching that last study session really challenged me show my kids that they are my joy, they are wanted, they are loved. It's not to stay that I won't get angry, because that still happens often and kids have that affect at times, but I rarely follow-up with loving words or display forgiveness as I know I am forgiven by my Father daily!! Time and time again I realize that my remaining calm sets the tone for their behavior throughout the day. When I am flustered, easily angered and annoyed, yelling, short and rude, can I really be surprised when that's how Jenna acts? The only difference is, I can punish her for it. Now I do believe God has granted me authority over my children, but how quickly I forget that He is my authority. I feel hypocritical to continually be telling her to speak nicely, to not talk back, to look at me when I talk to her when I don't display the forgiveness, acceptance, grace and unconditional love that God has covered me with. He is our safe-haven, our shelter. We have this confidence in Him and can, therefore, trust Him with our security and welfare. I want to display that and instill that in my children. He designed and created me to be their mother, no one else. How will I use that blessing, that authority? Will I rise to the challenge today or just get through the day?

"The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; 'Great is Your faithfulness. The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, Therefore I have hope in Him." -Lamentations 3:22-24.